Though I Grew Up Sheltered, Now I Feel More Independent Than Ever Before

Because I chose to live with my parents when I was pursuing my undergraduate degree at San Jose State, I didn't know what it meant to be an independent adult. During those years, I was a people pleaser and relied heavily on my parents and their decision-making. Often times, I got coaxed into spending time with people who continuously put me down, just because they were a part of my family, as opposed to those who appreciated me.

Many times, I succumbed to peer pressure and easily agreed with others, but internally, I wanted nothing but to disagree. Because I felt disagreements created conflict, I avoided confrontation. But in all those years, I failed to realize that I was compromising my own happiness by not speaking up and voicing my feelings.

What made it worse is my so-called friends, prioritized their decisions and didn't even bother to take my consent. My opinion was irrelevant to them and here I was trying to make them happy.

Well fuck that!

After living in New York City, I learned the importance of not only speaking up but having the freedom of making my own decisions. It was challenging but I had to do it for the sake of my own satisfaction. In all those years, I regretted giving certain people priority because they never valued me or my choices. But I've learned to create a boundary. I don't initiate hangouts with people who don't value my opinion.

My inner circle has altered because I've learned to foster friendships with people of high caliber. My friends are trustworthy, authentic, reliable, and nonjudgmental people; qualities that are rare to find in this world full of fake individuals. Although we have our disagreements, we communicate openly about our issues. We listen to one another. We make a decision collectively.

Similarly, I've established a direct method of communication with my parents so that they don't impose their own beliefs and ideologies onto me. Ever since the pandemic, I've gotten in the habit of having transparent conversations with my parents because I wanted to understand their thought-process. I'm glad I chose to do that because it's not only brought us closer, but it allowed me to clearly see their perspective. Even if I didn't agree with everything they said, I understood them and vice versa.

Even though I moved back with my parents after grad school, there's been a paradigm shift. I feel like an independent woman. I don't need to seek approval about every little thing I decide to do. I'm in charge of my own schedule. I do things on my own accord. I'm not afraid to speak up. I've even learned to maintain relationships with toxic people. Above all, I do what makes me happy. Alhumdullilah for it all and may it stay this way.