How To Deal With Puzzling Desi Parents

Brown parents are perplexing. They make the decision to immigrate to the United States but without abandoning their old-school ideologies. They constantly make comparisons, they care too much about the perceptions of others, they don't believe in the concept of mental health, they prioritize education to the point where it becomes suffocating and they prohibit us from dating but then pressurize us to get married. The list is endless.

But how do we deal with them? What do we do to understand them and vice versa?

Sometimes the best way to understand your parents is by conversing with them. Have a sit-down discussion with them. Ask them questions. Get to know your parents because you will be amazed by how much you discover about them.

Just like children, parents have internal demons that they're battling with and insecurities that they will never disclose to their children. Because they want to be deemed as "superheroes," in the eyes of their children, they may never reveal issues that they're dealing with. Whether it's a financial crisis, a terrible boss at work, a health issue or something else, how often do we hear parents complain about these things to us?

Honestly, I rarely hear it unless I ask them. It's unfortunate because that just shows me our parents are afraid to be vulnerable. But vulnerability is imperative because it strengthens each relationship.

The problem is that our parents endeavor to instill the same ideals that they've been raised with onto us, without realizing that the environment, culture and society we're growing up in completely differs from their surroundings. Because of the discrepancy, a barrier begins to arise, creating a clash between us and our parents. We're harsh with them because we fail to comprehend how they were raised, what their circumstances were like and why they stand by their traditions rather than pivoting towards progressive values. But ultimately, it's our responsibility to maintain a level of direct communication with them because that's the only way to prevent any misunderstandings and sustain a healthy relationship.

So if you feel like there's a roadblock between you and your parents, then go and have a conversation with them. It maybe tough, awkward and even weird but so what? One conversation can not only heal you but provide clarity, allow you to see their perspective and close the remaining gap.